clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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