apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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