everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
this hospital has no fireball
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
