I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
