you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
