I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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