i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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