did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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