Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
