she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
