the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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