Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
