so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
