guys are not supposed to queef...right?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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