I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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