i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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