My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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