I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize