My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
