I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
