perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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