nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
