I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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