We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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