I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
