It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
