i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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