If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
