hotel room ftw
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize