so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
