i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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