i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize