Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just threw up on my dentist
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
