i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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