I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize