Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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