I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
