just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
