We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
