just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there's paper in my vomit.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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