...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize