I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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