first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
