how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
