and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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