i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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