If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
