he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
