If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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