I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
