if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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