Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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