so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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