He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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