Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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