her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
