Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
