Someone shit on the floor
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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