Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
