I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
