her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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