I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
