i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
