So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
