Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
