somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize