My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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