They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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