Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The air was thick with penises
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
