If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
