i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
